Our Developmental Desires
With the world in such a state of change—especially as we approach another election—I find myself thinking about what really drives us at different stages of life. It’s not just about individual wants; it’s about how these core desires we hold shape our development, connect us generationally, and ultimately steer the future we’re building together. As I explore these concepts for my book, The Quantum Age: The Future of Humanity Right Now, I wanted to share how our evolving desires can tell us a lot about where we’ve been and where we’re headed.
This episode dives deep into a framework I’m developing around these “developmental desires”—needs that seem universal across generations. For those of you who like reading in-depth, I’m laying out much of it here, but I invite you to listen to the full episode to get the nuanced context and backstory behind each insight. If these topics resonate, consider becoming a premium subscriber to support and join these ongoing explorations.
Note: Premium subscription costs will be going up but if you subscribe early you lock in that price. New subscriptions will include a mini-course to support using AI for self-coaching.
The Evolution of Desires Through Generational Lenses
As I dig into this work, it’s clear that these stages of desire don’t exist in a vacuum. Each generation brings its own lens to these desires, transforming them based on the cultural, political, and social dynamics of their time. In generational theory, this “cycle of desires” spans roughly 80 to 100 years, moving through four distinct eras: the high (spring), the awakening (summer), the unraveling (fall), and the crisis (winter). And within these eras, we see archetypes—prophet, nomad, hero, artist—that shape how each generation interacts with the world.
The Desire to be Welcomed and Loved
We all start with a basic need: to be welcomed. This isn’t just emotional; it’s primal. The sense of belonging is survival itself. If you grow up feeling like an outsider or unwelcome, it can leave an impact that sticks around, influencing everything from your self-worth to your sense of security in relationships. As we grow, this need deepens into the desire to be loved. I think this stage is about finding reassurance that our dependency is not a burden. It’s when we learn—hopefully—that we are valuable simply because we are here.
Finding Protection and Belonging
Beyond the desire for love, there’s a pull to find a group where we feel protected. This is where we step into our chosen communities or subcultures, and I see this particularly strongly in generations like Gen X, who embraced a more tribal, “us vs. them” approach to life. Protection here means having people who’ve got your back—friends, peers, or a subculture that validates who you are. At this stage, identity starts to solidify, though sometimes in exclusive ways. I often think back to my own experiences, feeling like part of a countercultural subculture, and how much of a safe space that was for exploring who I was.
The Need to be Remembered and Rewarded
As we mature, there’s a desire to leave a mark. For Boomers, this often meant carving out a visible legacy through career achievements, family roles, or societal contributions, whether in politics, business, or the arts. Personally, I feel that legacy is about building something meaningful—be it a family, a career, or even small acts that create a sense of lasting impact. At the same time, this desire can be about immediate rewards and recognition, especially as we enter a stage where ambition drives us to seek validation and success in tangible ways.
Seeking Acceptance
In later years, our focus often shifts to the desire for acceptance, both of ourselves and of others. This stage is complex, especially in a society that’s constantly evolving. It involves seeing ourselves and others clearly, with all the biases and baggage we carry. For Millennials, I see this as a generation’s move toward collective healing, facing social biases head-on, and challenging cultural assumptions to make room for acceptance. In my work, I find that this level is less about judgment and more about understanding how we relate to others without needing to categorize or control them.
The Desire to be Needed
Finally, we reach the desire to be needed, which feels like the ultimate stage of purpose. Being needed isn’t about being busy or trying to save the world—it’s about identifying where we can make a meaningful difference. I believe this is what we’re moving toward collectively as a society. For me, this stage is less about the world seeing me and more about identifying where my strengths and passion align with the people or causes that resonate most deeply. It’s where we let go of ego-driven roles and grandiosity, finding fulfillment in a quieter, more grounded way.
Moving Forward in Collective Development
I feel that exploring these stages isn’t just about individual growth; it’s about understanding how each generation interprets these desires and passes them on. As I work through these concepts in The Quantum Age, it’s become clear that these desires have been shaping society all along, even if we haven’t always recognized it. Each new stage reflects a shift that pushes us closer to understanding ourselves and, ultimately, to living in alignment with who we are at our core.
In light of these reflections, I’m also looking to change up my subscription model here on Substack. For those who want to go deeper with this work, I’ll soon be offering premium memberships that include extra content, insights into my writing process, and personal reflections to help navigate your own stages of development.
To catch the full conversation, I invite you to listen to the episode—there’s so much more context there. And if these themes resonate, consider becoming a premium subscriber to support these explorations.
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