Jordan Peterson Triggers Me: The Male Victim Identity
An emo kid through and through...
The voiceover is produced in Eleven Labs.
I'm currently processing The Victim Identity, which is not a Matt Damon film but a concept I learned from Eckhart Tolle. In this video, he describes it as a superiority complex disguised by inferiority—a tricky paradoxical complex. It’s worth watching if this concept connects with you.
The Victim Identity takes moments or times in one’s life where they experienced being a victim and held onto it as a narrative for why things aren’t going how I’d like them to go now. The past becomes an excuse more than it becomes a natural karma.
Eckhart uses the common example of attractiveness as an easy narrative to grasp why someone isn’t successful, hasn’t found a partner, or is struggling in some other way. It often arises when nothing happens in someone’s life because the ego needs something to grab onto as an identity, so it digs into the past for some sense of self. This differs from someone who has been a victim and/or healing, which involves releasing having been a victim to heal and creating a new direction.
Eckhart points out that The Victim Identity constantly points out misgivings and frustrations in an almost “how dare you upset me” kind of way, which highlights more obviously how the victim perceives themselves as superior with high expectations or tight boundaries or blame as a move away from shame.
There's something about Jordan Peterson that really grinds my gears, and I’ve avoided talking about it because he’s so popular among people who tend to follow me and the INTPs I support. There’s an energy to him that reminds me of who I consciously don’t want to be: whining and complaining with an obsession with women, gender, and religion, and, at times, a perversion of Jung’s work with some weird patterns, cynicism, and doesn’t seem to take being challenged lightly. He brings a lot of anger, frustration, and big emotion to his speaking and interviews that bring my stomach to a boil. I got to the point where I couldn’t watch anymore. But even though I’m invoking his name, this isn’t about him or any judgments on his character; it’s about what he reflects in me that sets off these triggers.
I remember telling myself that all the whining and complaining I experienced growing up was not who I wanted to be nor what I perceived to be healthy masculine behavior—a clear repression of what I deemed to be bad. Since then, I put great effort into becoming more stoic and masking my sensitivity. If you’ve been following my podcast and journey, then you’re probably more aware of how emotional and highly sensitive I am, but in most public in-person situations, I don’t cry or express myself emotionally very often.
Jordon Peterson, who most definitely cries out, and now Elon Musk, amongst some other men, are highlighting to me how triggered I am by the male victim identity. The Olympic opening ceremony reactions awoke plenty of dismissive reactions within me of “Oh boo hoo, poor you for feeling like you’ve been made fun of.” And Elon’s recent reveal about his eldest son’s gender transition and his plight with the state of California left me with a joking dismissal of “yeah, damn, I’m not great at paperwork either.”
I would probably call my reactions an unaccepting disapproval of their narratives. Something in me says, “You just don’t get to feel that way because you’re not actually a victim in this scenario, especially if you’re going to use that as an excuse to go on a crusade. How does your kid feel? Are you supporting them? Or is this just about you?”
That might as well be my internal dialog, in which I alternate between being the victim and criticizing myself for it.
When I went to a Catholic High School, I experienced a new breed of people…affluent, religious caucasian kids who seemed to put much effort into reinforcing that they were the top dog with incessant bullying and perversion. Yet, the Christian religions I came across had much ado about persecution and sacrifice. Anyone different was put through a pressure cooker of social pressure to normalize. I was basically in hell as an atheist Puerto Rican kid, often egging on the school by dying my hair or not following the dress code. Poor little me for being in the exact karmic situation I needed to be in, it turns out. I was angry but most definitely fed the monster in front of me.
I was confused by the paradox of them being the top dog in the culture but also expressing persecution and not following many of their moral codes, which they seemed to obsess over others following. Jordan and Elon feel this way to me now. Having such high moral standards yet also enabling themselves to be lude and crude still triggers the hell out of me at times—an obsession I’ve had nearly all my life.
Until now, I never understood why that hypocrisy bothered me so much. It doesn’t always bother others, so why can’t I just let it go? Well, it turns out that I do the same. I get angry and obsessed over gender and religion; I’ve often enabled myself to be lude and crude because, in my eyes, I’m above moral codes, or I define my own. I’m the moral law, and I alone can break that law. And I don’t do well with being challenged. I’m both a victim of life and yet superior to it all.
Having been bullied and persecuted throughout my childhood has given me all the ammo I need to reform and continue on my crusade. So, yes, Jordan, it’s not you. It’s me. Well, it’s you, too, but that’s not my problem anymore, it turns out.
All of this highlights a few things for me…
First is the quote: “What makes you so special that you aren’t worthy of love?”
Unfortunately, I don’t remember where I got it from, but it perfectly highlights The Victim Identity. Jordan and Elon don’t deserve sympathy in my eyes, but they require compassion for me to see what’s going on. The Victim Identity isn’t something that someone is a victim of, nor is owning it a reason to further enable it. Superiority isn’t the problem either; it’s being unconscious of it. We all have moments when we need to feel powerful or win. Competition is a natural part of life, but to be winning, not recognize how you’re winning, and continue to say I’m losing is turning victimhood into a competition.
I can own that I complain and turn victimhood into a competition. Complaining may be me owning that I have emotions needing processing, and I can be gentle with myself about that. I can own that I’ve been on a crusade against those reflecting my repressed sides and let it go.
I can let go of feeling like a bad person for having complaints, as this is just part of being human. I can release the belief that men complaining makes them automatically weak or playing the victim card. I can let go of turning victimhood into a competition, but when I do it, I can be gentler. I’m not going to get that perfectly, and shaming myself won’t help me let it go. And if I can let it go, well…I can smell all sorts of freedom on the other side.
Enjoy a big ol’ discount on my Wisdom of the 3 Centers course as a gift for getting through this article with me. Thanks for sticking around!